Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
you made out with another girl for some wings
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
