P.S. I can't hear my feet
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
