She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I touched a dick in church today
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
