Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
