You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
