Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
