So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
