I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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