i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
