In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
