all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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