It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
