Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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