So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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