did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
