Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
