Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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