i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Randomize
