After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
