we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
that's an acceptable place to lick
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
