where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
