The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
