I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
3 2 1 whiskey
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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