Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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