I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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