She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
