I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
We need to get me chipped asap
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
