I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
