Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
that is very illegal...i love you.
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