I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
