I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
