What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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