This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
