Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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