She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
