apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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