She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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