so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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