At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
