got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
