Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
