I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
