you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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