I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
