You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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