Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
