So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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