So drunk its hurt
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
