There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
