You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
