Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
