Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
