yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
