My first STD was from a foam party
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
