My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
